Honouring your Need to Be Alone

Photo by João Ferrão on Unsplash

I was scrolling through Unsplash looking for a photo to go with this article, and that experience was the perfect illustration of the point I'm making.

Guess what most photo's with the tag 'woman+alone' depict?

A woman in distress.

Depressed.

Anxious.

In need of rescue.

A woman alone? Can't be good news!

I talk about it at length on this week's podcast - how historically women couldn't be alone, because it wasn't safe.

And how, even in the 21st century it is still perceived as an odd desire.

Men who spend lots of time alone tend to be cast as deep thinkers, geniuses, spiritual leaders, adventurers.

Women?

Selfish, anti-social, uncaring - if not downright dangerous.

If you have a smart mind, odds are that you need to be alone for serious amounts of time.

To create.

To learn.

To process and integrate.

To recharge.

Don't let society make you believe this is selfish, or even dysfunctional.

That if you were 'social', or loved your family, partner or friends enough, you would easily forgo your need for seclusion.

Ignoring your deep needs doesn't create more love or connection - it just breeds resentment.

And there is nothing wrong with the need to be alone - just as there is nothing wrong with the need to be with other people.

We all have both, just in different proportions.

So this weekend, ask yourself:

Do you spend enough time in your own glorious company?

Going for walks, doing creative work, staring at clouds, thinking at a deeper level than you normally are able to?

If not, create at least an hour of alone time.

Not to work. Not to do chores.

Just to be alone - because you want to.

Drop the guilt.

Luxuriate in it.

And plan to make it a healthy habit, instead of a dysfunctional deviation.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

P.S. Do you have a hard time carving out alone time and setting boundaries? Then let's talk. Send me a DM to set up a free call to learn how I can help you.