The gifted adult conundrum: 'To hide or not to hide?

I used to watch a lot of tennis as a kid (does anyone remember the epic Chang vs Lendl Roland Garros final in 1989? That was insane!). But I’ve been mostly focusing on art over the past 20 years. So I’m going out on a limb here in giving you a sports metaphor. Right now, it's my best shot at explaining the gifted adult conundrum.

I want you to do a little thought experiment with me.

Imagine you’re an incredible tennis player. A Serena Williams, Roger Federer or Steffi Graf, say.

Now imagine that rather than being able to play at your own level, for some undisclosed reason you are stuck playing in the minor leagues. I have no idea what those are called in the tennis world, but I’m assuming they exist.

What do you do?

You could play at your actual level. Win almost every game. And be both grudgingly admired and deeply hated.

Or you could tone it down a bit.

Make the games more interesting for everybody else.

Not win every single time - not show what you’re truly capable of.

If you do, people will like you a lot better.

But what will it do to your well-being?

Odds are that you’ll end up being terribly frustrated, demotivated, even resentful.

Yet this one of the first things we teach gifted children.

“Play nice. Don’t make other people feel bad about themselves.”

And those gifted kids carry on hiding what they’re capable of when they become adults.

Best to not let on that you’re bored out of your skull in most meetings. Or that you can do other people’s work in half the time.

And there are certainly times when it IS smart to shut up and step back.

But doing this on a daily basis hurts all of us.

Most gifted adults are working well below their capacity, which impacts the contribution they can make as well as their own well-being.

They are at a massive risk of bore-out or burnout.
Their employers are at a massive risk of losing them.
And the world is at a massive risk of losing their visions, creative solutions, and unique contributions.

So, if you’re a hidden Steffi Graf, what do you do?

It starts with no longer accepting the story you’ve been told, that ‘this is just how life works’.

And then starting to figure out strategic ways to no longer hide your gifts.

You need to redesign your job and your life to work with your specific brain.

To be turned on and lit up by your work, rather than bored and frustrated.

Sometimes that means you need to find a different position or even career.

Sometimes you can cleverly redesign your job description so that you can shine.

But you can’t keep hiding - it hurts both you and the rest of the world.

And if you’re an employer wondering whether you have a hidden Pete Sampras or Serena Williams, you can stop wondering. You probably do. Start supporting them.

P.S. If you'd like help with this either as a gifted adult or as an employer, get in touch. It's what I excel at.