Are you stuck in Compare & Despair?
Something that has been showing up a lot for some of my clients recently is 'compare and despair'.
This is coach speak for 'looking at other people and then hating yourself for not being more like them'.
People negatively compare themselves with other entrepreneurs, creators, coaches, colleagues who seem to be way more successful.
With people with different brains that can easily do the things that are very hard for their, often neurodivergent, brains.
With the plans their parents had for them.
With the plans they have for themselves. And the amount of time it should take to get them done.
People who play the 'compare & despair' game judge themselves very harshly when things aren't exactly the way they think they would be.
If you're wondering whether you’re doing this too, check if you have thoughts like:
‘I should be better at this.’
‘This shouldn’t take me so long.’
‘I should be making more money by now.’
‘I should be more loving.’
‘I should have found the perfect partner by now.’
'I should have run faster/got more likes/made more sales/etc.'
Any time you compare your life right now with an imaginary situation and conclude that you've done something wrong, you're playing compare and despair.
It may seem like a useful way to motivate yourself, but it isn't.
It's self-sabotage disguised as self-discipline.
So this weekend, instead of comparing and despairing, try the following.
Notice when you think you should be better, faster, nicer, more successful, more tolerant, all the things.
Notice how it makes you feel to treat yourself like this.
And then ask: how would it make me feel to accept myself where I’m at?
And: 'What would I do from that place of acceptance?'
Notice that I’m not asking you to ditch your dreams, to give up on your plans, to ‘be realistic’.
I’m just asking you to stop using compare & despair to self-sabotage.
All those ‘should’s’ that you think are encouraging you to try harder are actually stopping you from achieving what you want.
Let them go.
Trust yourself to do your best.
To be amazing.
To be curious.
To let things take longer than you expected.
If you want to stop living your life in comparison with others, and start living it from your own strength and values, I can help you. Book a free exploratory session using this link:
https://calendly.com/else-kramer/explore
Have an amazing weekend,
Else
a.k.a. Coach Kramer
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