How to stop fixing other people’s emotions
I’ve never had as many reactions to a Friday Thoughts editions as I did last week, when I talked about fixing other people’s emotions.
“It’s not your job to make other people feel OK all the time” struck a chord with a lot of people.
But it’s not an easy thing to navigate.
So, for those of you trying to move away from managing other people’s emotions - or managing people who need to move away from doing this - here’s what you need to know.
It is hard
Sitting with someone who’s not feeling OK is bloody uncomfortable.
Even more so if they’re not feeling OK about something you did or said.
It takes courage.
So if you’re trying it and it feels like crap - you’re doing it right.
2. Culture makes it even harder
Most of us have been conditioned for years to
a. Not show negative emotions; and
b. When we do show them, to get rid of them as soon as possible.
Your immediate instinct will be to make it go away - because that’s how you’ve been taught.
Just keep that in the back of your mind and it will be easier to recognise - and then ignore - the urge.
3. Learning to do this takes time and effort
If you, even if only for a minute, manage to resist the urge to fix other people’s emotions - congratulate yourself.
You’re doing amazing.
You’re learning a new thing that is hard (see 1 and 2 above). It takes practice.
4. Start with yourself
If you’re having a hard time practicing this with other people, here’s an alternative.
Start at home.
Stop trying to fix your OWN emotions.
When you feel sad, don’t freak out and start to analyse everything that’s going on in your life so you can figure out what to tweak so you’ll feel happy again.
Just feel sad.
It won’t be fun - but it will pass, and it’s a lot less exhausting than trying to manage it away.
This weekend, try and just be with those not so shiny happy feelings for a change.
Hang out with them.
Give them time of day.
And notice how, when you manage this, life is actually a lot lighter.
Have a beautiful weekend.
Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer
P.S. In this week’s podcast I dive into a topic that a lot of smart humans have to deal with - and not just in the workplace: boreout. Find the episode on your favourite podcast app, or via this link.