The self-sabotaging thought that keeps you on the perfectionist treadmill

Hey smart human,

Sometimes we get goals backwards.

We think we need to wait until we achieve them for our life to be OK.

It doesn't work that way.

If you're stressed out right now and stressing your way towards your goal - odds are that you'll still be stressed once you've achieved it.

If you're currently escaping your unpleasant emotions with overworking, food, alcohol, Netflix or whatever your drug of choice is, then you'll still very much want to get away from them when you've reached your next goal.

Goals help us grow and do things in the world - but they don't solve our underlying coping strategies.

It's actually the opposite - they tend to reinforce them.

If I can just get through this exam, job interview, speech, networking event, product launch - things will be OK.

Add a little bit of perfectionism to the mix and you end up with this belief as a driver:

"If I can just get better at things, things will start getting better."

If I just work harder.

Become better at coding, communication, office politics, marketing, small talk - insert whatever it is your brain has been telling you you need to get better at.

I'm guessing it's probably not even one thing, but a whole list.

Once you've mastered all those, THEN you'll be able to breathe that sigh of relief.

To sit back and relax.

This is why you feel like crap.

You think you need to get better, to be more successful at whatever it is you're attempting, before you can feel joyful, calm, confident.

That this is the best way to get yourself going, to propel yourself into action.

Again: completely backwards.

You're trying to beat yourself to your goal - and you're surprised you're self-sabotaging?

So this weekend, try something else instead.

Start noticing when you demand of yourself that you're further ahead.

More skilled, accomplished, all the things.

Notice how it feels in your body.

What it does with your energy, with your joy.

And then redirect your brain towards the positive.

I don't mean lying to yourself, trying to repeat sentences like 'I am amazing at writing articles - I am a master' and hoping to feel good.

Smart brains really don't like to be lied to.

Redirect your brain towards what you CAN do.

What do you already know about coding, communication, office politics, marketing, small talk?

How much have you learned about it in the past month, quarter, years?

How far have you come?

Then notice how that feels.

This is how you can start letting go of perfectionism - and working towards your goals from desire instead of deficiency.

Have a beautiful weekend,

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

P.S. If you'd like to learn more about my goal-setting methods check out podcast Episodes 17 and 18.