The Million Dollar Fallacy

Hey smart human,

I want you to think of something you want to change in your life, but don't seem to be able to.

Something like:

• Claiming your space as a leader and expert in your field.

• Saying 'no' to requests from colleagues.

• Working out more.

• Drinking less.

Now do indulge in this thought experiment:

If someone promised you a million dollars to do it - would you be able to make it happen?

Most people answer something like:

'hell yes, if you gave me a million dollars I'd happily put on my running shoes every other morning. I'd give up on alcohol. I'd start sharing my thoughts and ideas on social media even though I'm terrified of being shot down. '

And then the argument goes: well, if you can do it if someone gives you a million dollars, you're obviously capable of it. So break through your mental barriers and go do it already!

But it doesn't 'prove' that at all.

The only thing it proves is that when presented with a massive million-dollar carrot (or, if you will, the stick of missing out on it), you're able to pressure yourself into changing your behaviour and doing things that are normally very hard for you.

Sure, motivation and incentives can work to drive behavioural change.

But all transformation happens in a continuum - not in a single moment.

If you gave me 1 million dollar could I stop drinking alcohol today, this month, this quarter?

Absolutely.

But what about a year from now? Five years?

When the incentive is gone, the money spent, I will just revert to my default behaviour - because the underlying problem was never solved.

This is why permanent weight loss is so rare, and why lottery winners tend to spend all their money and end up exactly where they were within a couple of years.

We are able to willpower and motivate ourself into better behaviour for a while - but can't sustain it forever. Eventually, we'll click back into our old ways.

And we're not just back at square one - we make ourselves miserable about the fact that we couldn't keep going, which in turn erodes confidence and self-trust.

If you want to truly change you don't want to make yourself wrong - you want to make yourself right.

There is a reason you're not doing the thing.

It's probably not a rational one - but at some level, your brain-body system thinks it is a very bad idea if you get fit, become visible, or make a shit ton of money.

That's where your work is.

So this weekend, quit trying to motivate yourself.

Ask these questions instead:

1. 'What am I trying to protect myself from?'

2. 'What deep need is currently not being met?

3. 'How can I take small steps towards feeling safe, and meeting my needs?'

If you're afraid to step into your expertise, for example, the answers could look something like this:

'I'm trying to protect myself from being ridiculed by other experts in my field.'

'My need for feeling safe and protected is not being met.'

'I can do the mental, somatic and emotional work to create safety for my nervous system in most situations, whilst taking a tiny risk every day in posting or sharing stuff in my field.'

Don't assume you know the answers.

Get really curious. Feel into it.

And then work with what comes up.

When you approach your blocks with compassion, instead of pushing yourself through your discomfort, you may even end up with a million dollars if that's what you're striving after.

And you get to love yourself all the way there - the best incentive ever.

Have an amazing weekend,

Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer

P.S. You do not need to work through your blocks alone - I am an expert in guiding people through this. Use this link to learn how I can help you and book a free first session:

https://www.coachkramer.org/work-with-me