Episode 50 - How to practice gratitude in a way that works with your smart mind
Thinking of starting a gratitude practice?
Or just feeling you should be WAY more grateful of everything you've achieved, accumulated, created?
Then this Episode is for you.
Listen in to learn why I think that for some smart humans gratitude practice is a bad idea, despite all the health benefits attached to it - and what I suggest you do instead.
Full Episode Text
Episode 50 - How your smart mind can use Gratitude Practice against you - and how to get the benefits of being grateful in a way that works with your brain
Welcome to this episode of the managing the smart mind podcast with Master Certified Coach Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer.
Hi there smart human!
You’ve probably heard this before: gratitude practice is good for your mental health and well-being.
According to studies:
Grateful people are happier
They report better health and well-being
They sleep better
They have better relationships
Gratitude practice dispels stress hormones
Gratitude practice makes people more resilient
So far so good, makes you want to get out your journal and start listing everything you’re grateful for, yeah?
Except…
Something may feel a bit off about this whole exercise.
And there is.
A lot of smart humans FORCE themselves to be grateful.
Now that is NOT good for your health.
This usually happens when they have feelings which they think they shouldn’t be having.
I am so bored by my well-paying high-flying corporate job => I should be grateful
I feel trapped in my beautiful home in suburbia => I should be grateful
I want to scream if they make me attend another meeting at our state of the art office => I should be grateful
You can see how this isn’t going to contribute to better sleep, right?
And there is another aspect.
Gratitude can carry the connotation of being passive.
As in: you aren’t an empowered actor or agent - this thing ‘happened to you or for you’ and you should be grateful.
It runs the risk of erasing your personal contribution to whatever it is you created.
To me it is also faintly reminiscent of being saved - I remember all those adults that tried to ‘rescue’ me when I was a struggling depressed teenager and young adult - and who then expected me to be very grateful.
Now if in your mind using the word gratitude doesn’t disempower you at all: great.
Carry on your gratitude practice if it’s working for you.
But if it isn’t, or you want to try something else, I suggest appreciation instead.
To me, to appreciate something is to honour that it is in my life, to give thanks for it if I feel so inclined, to shine a light on it so I can enjoy it even more.
I use appreciation to:
Feel cared for
Feel inspired
Feel abundant
Feel lit up
Feel blessed
And you can do the same. You can appreciate people, places, things, events, small moments, interactions - but also for example your own capacities and gifts.
I appreciate my capacity for joy.
I REALLY appreciate that my partner can make the most amazing sourdough bread and does so at least three times a week.
I appreciate (and LOVE) my gorgeous office that gives me room to play, think big, create.
I appreciate the amazing Japan trip I went on in 2019.
I DEEPLY APPRECIATE and LOVE my amazing smart clients.
I appreciate the money in my bank account- and I hope the money appreciates too.
I appreciate the great food on my table (including the amazing cheeses I get to enjoy every week, shoutout to the Kaashove in Rotterdam).
I appreciate the way my fountain pen feels when I write.
I appreciate that my 12 year old fridge is still working.
And I really, really appreciate my smart mind.
In addition to shining a light on the good things in your life, appreciation is a great tool if you want to change the way you think about something or someone.
Again: we’re not trying to go from black to white here, but we’re trying to find the nuanced middle.
Let’s say your neighbour Alex drives you a bit mad with their leaf blower.
So mad that when you see your neighbour ALL you can think of is their leaf blower and how much you hate it and how bloody inconsiderate they are.
You can’t even begin to access all the times they accepted parcels for you, rescued locked-out kids with the spare key, and any other positive things they did.
So you try this:
I appreciate my neighbour Alex for:
And make a list.
This is not to condone their leaf-blowing addiction - this is FOR YOU.
For your mental health and well-being.
You can try the same thing with your partner if you notice they’re starting to annoy you a bit.
With your colleagues.
Your job.
The house or area you live in.
I live on a very busy thoroughfare and, in all honesty, I hate it. Add to that a leaky roof and I think have plenty of reasons to not be happy about my house.
Yet I live in a massive three-floor apartment with beautiful wood floors, a small terrace with a stunning view over the Rotterdam skyline and a very well-equipped kitchen.
So now what?
I could tell myself to shut up and be grateful.
Only that doesn’t work - at all.
I still hear the cars day and night.
So I allow myself to dislike those - and appreciate the good stuff.
Hate the cars.
Appreciate the kitchen.
Don’t love the leaky roof.
Adore the view.
Would love to live closer to the sea.
Thoroughly enjoy having a bathtub.
See how that is much more effective?
Note that what I’m doing here that also helps is getting super-specific.
Again, we don’t usually like EVERYTHING about something or somebody - just at a subconscious level we think we should, just so we can easily sort everything into neat boxes (check out the Episodes on Black and White thinking if this is new to you).
Appreciation at a granular level helps me move to that messy middle where I get to love and hate, be frustrated by and enjoy what can boil down to the same thing - in this case, my house.
So give this a try.
Write down 10 things you appreciate about:
The place you live
Your job
Someone you love
Yourself
Your life
And…last but not least:
Your beautiful smart mind.
Notice how this instantly shifts you into a much more spacious way of being - without having to feel grateful.
Thank you for listening to this podcast - I SO APPRECIATE YOU!
And as we near our 52nd Anniversary Episode, I have a favour to ask.
I would love for you if you enjoy the podcast to leave a five star review on iTunes or Spotify - so more smart humans can find the podcast.
I really appreciate you taking the time :)
Have a wonderful week,
Else a.k.a. Coach Kramer
Ready to start using more of that amazing smart mind of yours? I can help. DM me on LinkedIn, or Instagram to learn how you can work with me, or email me via podcast@elsekramer.com.
Thank you for listening to the Managing the Smart Mind Podcast, I love that at
the time of recording this, there are smart humans listening in 89 countries! I really appreciate you - do send me any questions or requests for topics you have. And if you enjoy the podcast I’d love for you to give it a five-star review so other smart humans can find it - thank you!