Episode 6 - Gifted Guilt
In this Episode I talk about something that plagues most humans with smart minds, whether they realise it or not: Gifted Guilt.
The idea that because you have been gifted this amazing brain, all these talents, you better go and do something insanely useful.
This line of thought, however noble it may sound, leads to a miserable life.
Stop buying into it, and rather than feel guilty, ask yourself what you WANT to do with this one, wild, precious life.
Resources
Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to the managing your smart mind podcast with me, Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer.
In today's episode I want to talk about something that affects most gifted humans: Gifted Guilt.
And I think the problem starts with a terminology mindfuck.
If you’re ‘gifted’, if you’ve been ‘gifted’ a smart mind, you could take that to mean that you got very lucky, and that you need to do something in return.
And even if you didn’t reach this conclusion on your own, society, school, your parents will probably have helped you reach it.
They may have said things like:
“You have been so blessed, use your blessings to help others.”
“You shouldn’t use such a brilliant mind for [insert whatever they thought was a complete waste of time].”
“You need to make the fullest use of your talent.”
No pressure, right?
Odds are that, like me, you grew up thinking you needed to use your smart mind to AT LEAST find the cure for cancer and solve world famine. If you have some time left after that, a Theory of Everything would also be nice.
That you don’t own your brain - the world does. You’re only leasing it and you need to pay humanity back.
This is not a fun way to live.
Especially if, again, like me, your brain is completely unsuitable to the decade-long intensive research that is required to find a cure for anything, let alone cancer.
Extremely smart humans are usually portrayed as either evil masterminds (hello Moriarty) or Nobel-prize winning geniuses.
But 99% of us don’t live at those polarities - we live somewhere in the continuum.
Is it fun to do something amazing for mankind? Of course!
Is it fun to win Nobel Prizes (or Field Medals, I’ve got you mathematicians)? Of course!
Is it fun to live your life from a sense of obligation and falling short?
Not. At. All.
How this shows up with a lot of my gifted clients is in massive dissatisfaction.
They have this image of the person they think they should be, that they have been told they should be (hello Leonardo, Marie Curie, Einstein).
And - whether this is conscious or not - they feel they always fall short. That they could and SHOULD be doing so much more.
That their impact should be so much bigger.
That they need to earn the space they take up on this planet, the oxygen they breathe - and that they’re letting everyone down.
So here are some first principles. Listen up.
First, you do not need to EARN your place on this planet.
You can count grains of sand for the rest of your life, stare at the horizon, whatever ‘useless’ thing you can think of: you still have a right to exist. Why? Because you do.
Second, guilt is a completely useless and unnecessary emotion.
How do I know that?
Because guilt usually comes from a ‘should’ - and a should is always a lie, because it argues with reality.
I should have worked harder.
I should have become a doctor.
I shouldn’t have disappointed my parents.
Etc. etc. etc.
But, you may argue, I feel guilty because I was lazy in school and didn’t get the degree I could have.
I would then ask you: First. Were you really lazy - or just interested in other things?
And second - why would you choose to feel GUILTY about this?
Yes, this is a choice you can make. You can CHOOSE how to think about this.
You made a decision not to do any school work.
Maybe you like your reasons. Maybe you don’t.
In either case, feeling guilty about it isn’t going to help you other than making you feel bad about yourself and undermining your self-trust.
So whenever Gifted Guilt starts rising its ugly head, whenever you start thinking nasty little thoughts like:
‘I should make better use of my talents.’
‘I’ve wasted my college years.’
‘I could give so much more to the world/society/my work’
Please stop.
And instead, ask:
Do I WANT to make better use of my talent?
Do I WANT to live differently than I did during my college years?
Do I WANT to give more to the world/etc.?
If the answer is ‘yes’ - figure out the how with your smart mind, and go do it.
If the answer is ‘NO’ - accept it. This is NOT what you want. And guilting yourself into wanting it isn’t going to create a happy and joyful life for you.
Instead, ask yourself what you DO want. And go do that.
But please.
No more Gifted Guilt.
If you want to stop feeling guilty and start feeling GOOD about your smart mind, work with me.
Reach out to me via my website, coachkramer.org, or send me a message on LinkedIn.
If there is a specific topic you’d love to see covered on this podcast, or someone you’d love to see interviewed, please let me know on: podcast@elsekramer.com.
And if you liked this episode I’d love for you to leave a review so more people can find the podcast and learn to manage their smart mind.