Episode 9 - Why Celebrating is Essential for your Mental Health
This week is all about celebrations, and why they are massively important to manage your smart mind.
You've probably heard this before: in order to gain confidence, you need to become your own cheerleader. But you may find that difficult.
In this episode I give you lots of leverage to make the effort, as well as a new perspective.
You do not need to channel your inner Tony Robbins. You just need to channel your most loving, kindest, self - whatever that may look like.
Tune in to learn how you can start celebrating in a way that works for you, so you can increase your confidence and, at least as important, joy.
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Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to the managing your smart mind podcast with me, Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer.
I am recording this podcast on King’s Day - that’s when the entirety of Holland has a day off to party, turn the country into an giant car boot sale, gets drunk and eats kebab to round it all off.
The perfect time for a podcast on celebrating - and why it matters.
Now I have a confession to make: I am INCREDIBLY bad at celebrating.
When I achieve something, whether big or small, my brain, if I don’t manage it, immediately moves on to the next thing.
The next hurdle, puzzle, challenge - whatever it is. It doesn’t even consider pausing.
And that isn’t all it does. It also manages to turn most achievements into something that ‘doesn’t really count’.
Created a podcast episode that got loads of downloads? Probably a fluke.
Got invited to speak at an important event? I got lucky.
Or, even more fun: I’ll decide that this success that I, only a week ago, would have considered massive, isn’t really meaningful at all - because let’s face it, was it really that hard?
So not only do I actively ignore achievements, I also tend to downplay them - and many smart humans do the same.
We may even consider it distasteful when other people DO celebrate their success, or silly - because, viewed from the total perspective vortex, aren’t our personal achievements completely negligible?
Well, yes and no.
As always, context is everything.
Viewed in the entirety of space-time, granted, you getting up to go on a morning run may not even be a blip.
But viewed from YOUR perspective - and those around you, and could be massive.
And even if it’s small - it matters.
So why do our brains have a bias towards ignoring what we got done, let alone celebrating it?
Here are a couple of reasons.
First off, there is the omnipresent bias towards the negative, the scanning for dangerous pattern interrupts that we inherited from our ancestors. Check.
Then there are influences like:
patriarchal and/or cultural programming
traumatic experiences
Impatience
restlessness (hello my fellow ADHD brains I see you)
perfectionism
compare & despair
and many, many more.
All of these I am going to cover in later podcast episodes, but suffice to say that whatever the REASON you’re not celebrating success, legit as it may be, it is essential that you change this.
Because it is a very bad habit.
I’m serious. I’d say it’s almost as bad as not brushing your teeth.
Why?
Because it is one of the worst ways in which you can sabotage yourself.
If you don’t celebrate success, you do not build something which is essential to living a fulfilling, expanding life: confidence.
If you don’t celebrate success you don’t prime your brain to see the positive in your life, and, if left unchecked, you will be miserable.
If you don’t celebrate success you will perpetuate the feeling that you’re never doing enough, never achieving enough.
You will never learn to confidently REST in being an amazing badass human being.
You will never learn to luxuriate in the crazy shit you’ve already done whilst on this planet.
Living like this is exhausting.
It’s no fun.
It’s painful.
Think about children, how we cheer them on, when they’re learning something new, like walking.
We cheer them on and applaud every attempt they make.
I am going to say that again, because I really want it to sink in.
We cheer them on and applaud EVERY attempt they make.
We celebrate not just what they succeed at, we celebrate that they’re TRYING.
Wow.
I mean, now think about how you treat yourself on a daily basis.
Are you cheering yourself on?
Do you celebrate everything, including the fact that you’re TRYING shit?
I’m guessing you aren’t - and that’s one of the reasons doing things feels crap and exhausting and a never-ending form of torrture devised by Greek Gods.
So in order to have a more fun and fulfilling life you HAVE TO start celebrating.
And your brain may bristle at this, you may think ‘I’m not a one-year old learning to walk, this is insane, I can’t be that kind of cheerleader for myself, the whole idea is ridiculous’.
But isn’t it just as ridiculous as what you’re doing right now?
Finding all the ways in which you’re falling short?
Chastising yourself for not being perfect?
Not doing it fast enough?
Not being where you want to be already?
Exactly.
You’re just being an asshole to yourself - why not be nice instead?
And you don’t have to bring pompons or be loud.
You can be quiet and kind.
Instead of shouting ‘Wow, that’s amazing, look at you go!’ - which may be hard for your brain/personality, you can find something that does ring true to you, that is something you could possibly utter.
Something like ‘I love that you were willing to try that.’.
You do not need to channel Tony Robbins - you need to channel your own, most loving, kindest self.
And then start celebrating from that place.
Which brings me to my second point about celebrating.
This also took me a while to figure out.
I thought celebrating meant throwing a party, being with lots of people, drinking alcohol, etc.
My definition was, let’s say, rather limited.
Which meant that I, with my autistic brain and utter dislike of crowds, felt zero attraction to the whole concept of celebration.
It just seemed a big ploy to sell more Champagne, amongst other things.
But again, you get to celebrate in a way that works for YOU.
You don’t need to go to Michelin Starred restaurants (although you totally could).
Other people do not need to be involved.
Balloons need not be inflated.
Your celebration could just be you, at your desk, smiling, as you take yet another step towards friendly world domination.
Again, this is where we need to let go of so much cultural conditioning.
A celebration isn’t a reward. It doesn’t need to be loud.
It is just YOU, marking the fact that you have done something you’re proud of - and owning that.
Another day without alcohol.
Writing an article.
Setting a boundary.
If you start celebrating everything, including the small stuff, your confidence will grow like crazy.
You will start focusing on what you CAN do, and that will have a dramatic impact not just on how you feel right now, but also on your future.
I want you to actively try the following:
After listening to this podcast, take five minutes to write down at least 10 things you want to celebrate about the past week.
Here are some of mine, to get you going:
Asking for advice.
Going on my 138th consecutive daily walk.
Getting more podcast downloads than ever before.
Reading on the sofa, with my daughter, for over an hour.
Advocating for my mum in her nursing home.
Getting hired by a big consultancy firm.
Thinking of a new concept to teach my clients.
Doing the dishes in my office every single day.
Taking time out to draw and play with paint.
Doing my taxes.
Does it come naturally to me to celebrate all that?
Hell no. I have to constantly remind myself.
But when I do, I feel so much better about myself, the work I do in the world, the way I spend my time.
So start celebrating - Your way.
Become your own cheerleader - in your own unique style.
And, seriously, get a coach. I can help you make this shift so much faster than you can on your own!
Reach out via my website, coachkramer.org, or send me a message on LinkedIn to learn how we can work together.
That’s it for this week! Enjoy King’s Day, if you’re celebrating, and if you’re not: find something even better to celebrate!
If there is a specific topic you’d love to see covered on this podcast, or someone you’d love to see interviewed, please let me know on: podcast@elsekramer.com.
And if you liked this episode I’d love for you to leave a review so more people can find the podcast and learn to manage their smart mind.