Episode 8 - Decision Making - Part 2
In this second episode on decision making, I look at the flawed assumptions underneath our thoughts about making decisions.
Basically: there is no such thing as the 'best' or the 'right' decision - and the sooner you realise that the better.
What you can do, is actually decide to make your decisions 'right'.
How? That's what I explain in the second half of this episode.
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Full Episode Transcript
Welcome to the managing your smart mind podcast with your host, Else Kramer, a.k.a. Coach Kramer.
This week we’re diving into something my clients ask about all the time: decision making. Because this is such a big topic I’ve spread it out over two episodes.
In this second episode, decision making part 2, I’ll show you how to make sure to make the right decision - ALWAYS.
But if you haven’t listened to the first decision making episode yet, do that first. Do not proceed - stop playing this episode. Instead, start with episode number 7, in which I show you all the smart ways in which it tries to block you from making decisions - and how to fix that.
If you’ve listened to episode 7 you know how your brain tries to stop you from making decisions - especially if they’re hard.
But in addition to those, there is one overarching fear we have when making decisions, especially bigger ones.
Losing at the game of life.
We’re convinced that if we don’t make the right decision, if we don’t pick the right door (the one with the car behind it - which btw reminds me of how much I hated probability), we’ll end up losing everything.
This underlying belief is built on at least two flawed assumptions - let’s pick them apart one by one.
There is a RIGHT answer to the question ‘which is the best decision to make?’.
Once you have made a decision, you are powerless when it comes to influencing the result of your decision.
Let’s start with the last one: the idea that once you have made a decision, the die is cast.
‘Alea iacta est’ as Julius Caesar reportedly said after crossing the Rubicon.
The wheels are set in motion, and all you can do is hope for the best.
This is not a very useful way of looking at decision making.
It turns you into a helpless victim (never my preferred role), and it also completely disregards the fact that after that specific decision, even if it is HUMUNGOUS, there will be many more decisions to take that influence the outcome.
Let’s say you decide to buy a house.
Let’s say a year later housing prices plummet.
Does that make your decision BAD?
Not at all.
Of course you can make it bad, by constantly reminding yourself that if you had waited a year you could have bought a house like this for half the price - or double the house at the same price.
Probably not even true, especially if you’re also selling, but let’s humour your brain a bit and go with that thought.
Would that make your decision BAD?
Nope.
If you had a lovely year in a house you really like, why would you start telling yourself you’ve made the wrong decision?
You’re just using the wrong yardstick to measure success.
Let’s look at another example.
You decided to marry the guy or girl, depending on your preference.
Things didn’t work out.
You’re now divorced.
Was it a bad decision to marry?
Well you can certainly think so. And you may find many reasons to support your conviction.
But if you create a bit more space in your mind, can you also find the reasons why it was a GOOD thing that you married this human?
Can you see all the positive things that came out of your marriage, and your divorce?
You made a decision.
And then some more.
Now you have a result.
That’s it. Not good, not bad, just information.
Which brings us to false assumption number one: that there is a RIGHT decision to be made, and all you need to do is to figure out which one it is and then the Angels will sing and it will all be extremely fun and easy from here on out.
A decision is just the first step on a path that may or may not take you to where you intend to go.
It may be the right path to your desired destination - but an asteroid will fall on you halfway there.
Did you make the wrong decision? The right, but got unlucky?
How could you even answer that question?
There is simply no way of knowing.
So stop fretting, and start deciding.
And to make that easier, there is one more thing you can do.
You can make all your decisions right.
Yep.
You heard that right.
You can simply DECIDE that you made the right decision.
Since there is no way of knowing how things could have gone, why not decide that they played out in the best possible way?
Why?
Simple.
Because it feels so much better than beating yourself up for something you decided ten years ago.
Now your brain may buckle at this, and it is a skill you need to practice.
But you can decide to love all your decisions and make them work for you in the best possible way.
A fun way to practice this is to start with decisions you made in the past that you now regret.
Instead of listing all the reasons why the ex, the job, the move to a different country, the degree, the investment, etc were a very bad idea, ask yourself:
Why was this the best thing that could have ever happened to me?
And if this overarching question is a bit much to stomach right now, ease into this process using some of these:
How did this make me grow?
What have I learned?
How has it changed the trajectory of my life in a positive way?
How was this for me?
Now your brain will want to rebel and go back to doing what it’s used to: finding all the negatives. Give it a friendly pat on the head, say ‘I know you’re very good at this already, let’s try this new thing’ and redirect it back to the positive outcomes of your so-called ‘mistake’.
Seriously, try this.
Start with something small - like never asking out that girl in college.
Then work your way to bigger things that bother you about your past.
Things you didn’t do or say or buy.
Things you did do or say or buy.
Why were they the best decision, in that moment, for you?
Once you’ve trained your capacity to always love your decisions (and hence love yourself) in the past, you can start using it in the present.
Whenever you make a decision, decide ahead of time that this was the best possible decision you could ever have made.
Love it. Be delighted with it.
And your brain will go and find proof that it was the best thing ever, create it even, just like it has done for your past decisions.
Rewiring our thinking about decision-making, whether in our past, present or future, is one of the fun things I do with my clients - it is life-changing.
If this is something you want to start doing, I can help you.
Reach out via my website, coachkramer.org, or send me a message on LinkedIn.
If there is a specific topic you’d love to see covered on this podcast, or someone you’d love to see interviewed, please let me know on: podcast@elsekramer.com.
And if you liked this episode I’d love for you to leave a review so more people can find the podcast and learn to manage their smart mind.